


Mumbling and Muttering

by BishopDeaconCardinal



Series: Another Monument. Neat. [2]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/M, Minor Character Death, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21727324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BishopDeaconCardinal/pseuds/BishopDeaconCardinal
Summary: MacCready hadn't known his parents. Sometimes he wondered if it be better if Duncan didn't know his either.This is technically a prequal to The Wide Quietness but can totally be read as a standalone work around trans MacCready.
Relationships: Robert Joseph MacCready/Lucy (Fallout), pre Deacon/Robert Joseph MacCready
Series: Another Monument. Neat. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566010
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	Mumbling and Muttering

**Author's Note:**

> warning for mention of a ftm character being pregnant. if that's a trigger, please skip this one.

He remembers being thirteen and hating his body. It was stupid and wasn't listening. He would wear too many layers to compensate. He wasn't eating enough most of the time anyway to try to hide from himself. If there was less of a body there at all there would be less to be wrong. Not like cave fungus soup was particularly nutritional to begin with.

He hadn't known his parents. They were fourteen and fifteen when he was born and had aged out of Little Lamplight before he had even started properly speaking. 

They hadn't named him, called him Little Mac until they left. Trying to remain unmatched. Knowing Little Mac had a better chance at Little Lamplight then Big Town. 

When they left he was 'Rob and Jo's kid.'

He thought that was his name for a while. Shortened it to RJ. It stuck. 

Clothes weren't gendered there. They wore what fit. Given the option he usually opted for more masculine things. No one questioned it. No one cared. He didn't really either. 

One of the younger kids called him 'sir' when he was about eight. He went with it. He called himself sir and everyone went with it because ultimately boy or girl he was still a member of their community and his work ethic was more essential. 

And he worked hard. 

He was their mayor at ten. He stepped down after his third term, body weird, voice weird. He started smoking after that. 

He hated himself but he knew he liked Lucy. She was so soft and kind. Well, to him. Always had been to him. They held hands sometimes but there was too much going on in his head. He kissed her once. It got a little heavy from there but he stopped things when she touched his lower back just under the shirt. Too imperfect, too wrong.

They remained friends but they never ventured down that avenue again. 

The month of sixteenth birthday leading up to it he was a mess. His stomach was in knots.

And he thinks that if there is a God, they hate him. 

His first day in Big Town he was walking and saw this beautiful girl. She had dark skin in a sharp contrast to her bright yellow dress, that was only mostly dirty. He walked into a post. 

She helped him up, and when she spoke he knew that she was like he was. 

He stood up and brushed himself off and she leaned in and informed him quietly that she thought maybe he'd hurt himself and to follow her. 

He felt stupid and delirious by her, so he did. 

Away from prying eyes she informed him that he may have bled through his pants. She had a twin sister, she understood. 

Her name was Lucy. In his mind all the pretty ones were. 

***

They got married. She had had to explain the concept of marriage. He loved it. 

Because he would love her forever, he would do what he needed to provide for her. More than he was willing to tell her. More than she needed to know.

He sold his shooting skills to the highest bidder. Aimed his rifle wherever they pointed. It didn't matter. At the end of the day he went home to her. Her beautiful smile and loving words. He'd give her the world. 

When he found out he was pregnant, he didn't know what to do. 

He was too far along. He couldn't get rid of it. He panicked. 

Lucy came home to him dumping their meager belongings into a suitcase. 

She'd calmed him down asked where he was going. He told her somewhere people don't know him. Don't realise how wrong this is for him. Dont realise how his body fucking betrayed him.

She helped him pack, took his hand and they left together. 

***

He hated every second of carrying that kid. Hated every moment his body existed in that state. Hated the kid too. 

He got 'ma'med' and 'miss' every time he left there new living situation and went anywhere near people. 

After the baby was born he wanted nothing to do with it. 

And Lucy, bless her, held him, rocked him, and even named him.

Duncan after her uncle. 

He wouldn't even know his parents names if he wasn't literally carrying both of them. He didn't even begin to know if he had aunts and uncles. 

She left them alone one day. He had to watch this kid. This thing that had hurt him so fucking much. Kid was lucky he fucking fed him.

Then Duncan smiled up at him, his eyes wide open. He had her eyes. 

He realized this kid was part of both of them. His eyes matched hers, they were beautiful. He regretted being so distant. 

Duncan laughed and he broke down into tears, promising a better life to him.

***

It was called T'errific. 

He held the syringe in his hands, turning it over slowly as Lucy explained what it.

It would make him a guy? Kind of? Mostly. He would be able to grow facial hair, and it would drop his voice and a bunch of other little things that would help him feel physically the way he did emotionally. 

He didn't know where Lucy had gotten it. It was some pre-war chem. It wasn't the hardest to find but it was pricey. 

She explained when Duncan was finished breast feeding he could start taking it. 

He stood in front of the mirror and ran a hand over his chin. 

He'd look really dumb with a beard. 

God, he wanted to look really dumb with a beard.

***

She'd helped him sew something for his chest. It nearly flattened him out completely. He had a beard growing in. It was short, stubby, and patchy as hell. He loved it. 

She offered to teach him how to shave. He refused for a long while, relenting when the patches weren't evening out. 

She said you'll always knick your chin the first time. He'd laughed and said he wouldn't then proceeded to shave a section of his skin off his chin. 

He wore the bandage over it with a weird sense of pride. 

His friend from Little Lamplight had managed to get a hold of some land and told him they could move there if they helped farm the land. It was a ways away but he was excited to try. He was excited to show Joseph who'd he'd become. 

They got ready to move again, Duncan was babbling and crawling. It was weird how big he was getting. He'd watched tons of other kids grow up, but it didn't seem real until his son was doing it.

The first time he said 'daddy' he teared up. His kid was making him soft. 

Then on their way to Joseph's, Lucy had to go and die.

***

He sat in the bombed out ambulance holding Duncan for an unknown amount of time. Duncan had scream cried in his arms, and he was shushing him only because if he didn't he'd be joining him. 

He got him quieted down and walked unseeing and feeling to a settlement. It was a long way, Duncan cried more but he managed to settle him with what food he had in his pockets. 

One of the settlers had taken Duncan from him, sat him down and taken care of him and his child. 

She called MacCready son and took care of Duncan with a practiced hand. 

Later when he asked her why she took him in, she said she'd been there, she knew that look. Lost her husband years ago. Kids too. War took everyone and left her. She was angry. She didn’t want him to be angry like her, it took her a hundred years to shake that off and she laughed and told him the way he smoked he didn’t have that kind of time.

They stayed with for a month. He was still destroyed, still wished that she had lived with Duncan and he had been taken apart by ferals. 

When he went to move on he found Daisy the prettiest fabric flower to wear in the front pocket of her suit. She kissed his cheek and told him he was one of the good ones. 

***

When he arrived to Joseph's he had a full beard. Joseph hadn’t recognized him. 

He called him a mungo bitch while covering Duncan's ears and Joseph clapped him on the back saying his mayor had returned. 

They'd been good for awhile. He was in deep goddamn mourning but Duncan was becoming a  _ person _ and it was breathtaking. 

Until he got sick. 

Like really sick. 

Joseph wasn't sure how to help outside of watching Duncan while MacCready was going to towns to see if he could find something, a cure, something to ease the symptoms, anything. 

He picked up his rifle again for caps. 

He went out farther and wider trying to find something, anything for his son. 

He got wind of a place in the commonwealth, Med Tek. Had some sort of cure. 

He had nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

***

She ended up being his type. Strong? Badass? A little bit scary? Perfect. 

Worst of all, she gave him hope. 

It was a bitter resentful thing that had rested in the back of his throat like the burn of vodka. 

The Vault Dweller gave him hope and helped him get rid of some of the ugliness of the past few years in the forms of human garbage called Barnes and Winlock. 

She took out the gunners for him and he was overwhelmed by her kindness. 

In the time away from his son he'd forgotten what that was. She was loud and brash and flirted with everyone, she was the opposite of Lucy. Where as he didn't think he could love her romantically, he did love her.

The first time he'd seen Daisy in Goodneighbor he'd hugged her so tightly she'd told him she hadn't survived the bombs to be crushed now. 

***

They got the cure headed towards Duncan. They had done it. 

He didn't know how to thank her. He tried desperately but words sounded empty. 

He gave her something Lucy had made him. He didn't have much of her left but she meant so much, he hoped River understood. 

She seemed too. She thought he really got him until she brought Deacon around. 

And then this guy. This. Guy. He was probably going to kill him. 

***

End

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I exist on twitter! @BDeCardinal


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